Favorite red vs Blue quote

The Adept · Joined: 28 Oct 2009 Posts: 3797

What is your favorite red vs blue quote or scene.
Washington: Quick caboose throw a grenade
Caboose:OK *throws grenade and sticks the wall reght infront of them*
Washington: That was the worst grenade throw Ever, of all time.
Caboose: Not my fault someone put a wall in my way.

xivk · Joined: 05 Jan 2009 Posts: 4287

Tank: Now that you have mastered driving lets go over some basic safety features

Caboose: NO! no, wait go back. Why are there six pedals when theres only four directions.

Jerin Nekros · Joined: 10 Jun 2009 Posts: 727

Church: From now on if anyone's gonna make my girlfriend cranky and psychotic, it's gonna be me.

Tex: Aww, how sweet.

Church: Shut up Bitch.

Tex: Fuck you!

relentless · Joined: 21 Sep 2009 Posts: 728

"he tore out his skull and beat him to death with his own skull"

"that doesn't seem physically possible"

"that's what he said"

Silvador · Joined: 20 Oct 2009 Posts: 10874

"... dibs."

Bluevixen · Joined: 28 May 2007 Posts: 423

Tex: We could probably put a hard line into her
Tucker: TEX WAIT I GOT SOMETHING I NEED TO TELL YOU!!!
Tex: Tucker what is it?
Tucker: I just wanted to say, I got a hard line tex can use. Bow chica bow wow
Tex: How did you know I said that from all the way over there?
Tucker: Hey im like superman, I know when im needed.

The Adept · Joined: 28 Oct 2009 Posts: 3797

Bluevixen wrote: Tex: We could probably put a hard line into her
Tucker: TEX WAIT I GOT SOMETHING I NEED TO TELL YOU!!!
Tex: Tucker what is it?
Tucker: I just wanted to say, I got a hard line tex can use. Bow chica bow wow
Tex: How did you know I said that from all the way over there?
Tucker: Hey im like superman, I know when im needed.
damn you beat me to that one so heres another

Sarge:Donut dont touch anything griff start the jeep
Griff: OK
Donut:aaahhhhhhhh
Sarge: wat happened donut
Donut: i was just petting the bunny then it went into the metal hole and part of my hand went with it.
Sarge: God dangit donut i told you to not to touch anyhing and you touched everything whitch is the opposite of nothing.

relentless · Joined: 21 Sep 2009 Posts: 728

quick lets use the teleporter

wait does it hurt

no, now go through you wuss

ok *goes through teleporter*

dude does it really hurt

hell yes

*comes out other end of teleporter* aaaaaaaaaaahhhhhh... you lied to me

Jerin Nekros · Joined: 10 Jun 2009 Posts: 727

I knew it! Only a chick could give me a headache this big.

The Adept · Joined: 28 Oct 2009 Posts: 3797

Griff:we have a member of your team so im just gonna return her
Church what else was on the ship
griff nothing and no more aliens for you to fuck
Tucker its ok we can fuck this one
Sister woohoo
Griff fuck ok send her back
Church no take backs
Griff SHIT

Rune174 · Joined: 29 May 2009 Posts: 5293

Tucker: What those guys again!? How did they get here??
Caboose: Shoosh!! Tex told us to be quiet!!
Tucker: Caboose, we are 300 yards away, I don't think they heard us.
Zealot: I think I heard something.
Tucker:........sure that was a ........coincidence.
(Later)
-Tex sneaks around-
Andy: Alright, if she can take out those three one by one. We might stand a chance.
-Tex smacks up the Blue:
Blue: Ow, what the fuck, that hurt -smack- Owwwww
Andy: Or maybe not
Blue: Ow Ow, Jesus, Ow Stop it!!!
Tucker: Uh oh
-while still smacking the screaming blue-
Blue: So, you watch the game last night.
Red: Yeah, go reds
Blue: Fuck that, red sucks.
-Tex starts shooting-
Blue: Now your shooting me, give me a break, this sucks. What the fuck did I ever do to you. COME ON!!!!!!!
Tucker: What the fuck!? Are they deaf!?!
-sniper shot misses his head by inchest-
Tucker: Oh THAT you heard!?!
(I realize that its really church and not tucker)

Silvador · Joined: 20 Oct 2009 Posts: 10874

The Great Destroyer has arrived! The end is near! The Great Destroyer has arrived! The end is near! The Great Destroyer has arrived! The end is near! The Great Destroyer has arrived! The end is near!...

(in slow motion)
Chaaaaarrrrrge!

Bleep Bloop.

Bluevixen · Joined: 28 May 2007 Posts: 423

Washington: ok keep the meda distracted while i go up to help cabos
Church: Distracted how are we suppose to do that?
Sarge: Looks like grif is doing a pretty good job at that already.
random object falls on grif
Grif: OK I GET IT YOU FUCKING JACK ASS!!!
Sarge: Keep up the good work grif
another random object falls on grif
Grif: OUCH !!! HEY THAT COULD OF TAKEN OUT EN EYE!!!

Texas_Wildlife · Joined: 12 Nov 2009 Posts: 2232

Grif : “WTF are they doing out there”
Tucker : “They’ve been trying to blast their way in here ever since I locked it down, they aren’t having that much luck thou ARE YO YOU F#$%ing ASSHOLES?! “
Tucker: “This stuff looks like rock but it’s much tougher “
Grif: “Whats tougher than rock?”
Caboose : “Paper!”

You guys took all the good ones

The Adept · Joined: 28 Oct 2009 Posts: 3797

Caboose: Andy youve become a real boy
Lopez Head: Quick before they come back dig a whole and bury me in it
Sarge (in front of caboose):Caboose you here something behind you
Caboose: I do i wonder who that could be*turns around*
Sarge: Double Yoink
Caboose: *looks at skull* oh my god andy your dead
Caboose: Church tucker my second best friend in the whole world is dead

Silvador · Joined: 20 Oct 2009 Posts: 10874

Gary: you're a dirty dirty shizno.

Rune174 · Joined: 29 May 2009 Posts: 5293

Zealot: I have been to the top of the mountain, and you will worship me as if I were a god!!!!! -whacked by the entire other team- I regret nothing, I have lived more than any dared to dream.

Texas_Wildlife · Joined: 12 Nov 2009 Posts: 2232

"You fucking camper!"
"Its a legitimate strategy!"

Rune174 · Joined: 29 May 2009 Posts: 5293

Sarge: May I introduce, our new Light-Reconnaissance vehicle. (Rotating around the new jeep) It has 4-inch Armor Plating; M.A.G Bumper Suspension; a mounted machine gunner position, and total seating for three. Gentlemen! This is the M12 LRV! I like to call it the 'Warthog'.
Simmons: Why 'Warthog,' Sir?
Sarge: Because 'M12 LRV' is too hard to say in conversation, son.
Grif: No, but, why 'Warthog'? I mean, it doesn't really look like a pig...
Sarge: Say that again?
Grif: I think it looks more like a Puma.
Sarge: What in Sam Hell is a 'Puma'?
Simmons: Uhh, you mean like the shoe company?
Grif: No! Like a Puma! It's a big cat, it's like a lion.
Sarge: You're making that up.
Grif: I'm telling you, it's a real animal.
Sarge: Simmons, I want you to poison Grif's next meal.
Simmons: Yes sir!
Sarge:Look, see these two tow hooks? They look like tusks, and what kind of animal has tusks?
Grif: A walrus.
Sarge: Didn't I just tell you to stop making up animals?!

Rune174 · Joined: 29 May 2009 Posts: 5293

Tucker: So, the military put this program in her head, and that program made her a killer. But underneath it all she's really just a sweet, down-home girl?
Church: Oh hell no. She's always been a rotten bitch, it's just now she's a rotten bitch with cybernetic enhancements.
Tucker: Wow. Sounds like you really won the lottery with that one. Good catch there buddy, she's a keeper.
Church: So how're you doing, Caboose? Are you following any of this whatsoever?
Caboose: I think so... That guy Tex is really a robot, and you're his boyfriend. So that makes you... a gay robot.
Church: Yeah... that's right... I'm a gay robot.

Rune174 · Joined: 29 May 2009 Posts: 5293

Doc has just woken up in Blood Gulch; Vic is heard over the intercom]
Vic: Hello, dude? Come in. Doctor-Dude, are you there? Hello? Paging Doctor-Dude, to the radio, STAT. I need 20 ccs of 'what the hell's going on there', dude.
Doc: Ugh...what happened?
Vic: Hey, you tell me dude. One minute we're talking about a hole in the wall; the next thing I know, you turn into Grumps McGurt. Sounded like you needed a lozenge. Threatened to eat my children...not very cool, dude.
Doc: Jeez, did I really? I'm sorry. Something went wrong with my radio and I heard this weird beeping, honking-
Vic: Hey, no offense taken, dude. Don't got any kids anyway.
Doc: What?
Vic: 'Ol Vic's been through the snip-n'-stitch, if you know what I mean.
Doc: I don't wanna hear about that-
Vic: Winky-Blinky the One-Eyed Sergeant's firin' blanks-
Doc: That's weird-
Vic: -if ya get me. It's vayo con dios to the vas deferens.
Doc: Yeah, alright. Enough. I get you.
Vic: I mean a vasectomy, dude.

Rune174 · Joined: 29 May 2009 Posts: 5293

Tex sticks Donut with a plasma grenade]
Grif: What the fuck?
Donut: What?
Simmons: What is that thing?
Donut: What thing?
Grif: There's something on your head.
Donut: What, is it a spider? Get it off!
Simmons: No, it's not a spider. It's like a blue thing...
Donut: What, like a blue spider? Get it off!!
Grif: It's not a spider! Now calm down! It's some kind of fuzzy, pulsating thing...
Donut: That doesn't sound much better than a spider!
Simmons: Does it hurt?
Donut: No.
Simmons: Maybe we should try to take it off.
Grif: Good idea. Go for it.
Simmons: Me? By "we", I mean you, asshole.
Donut: Well, someone needs to get it off. It might be dangerous.
[The plasma grenade explodes]
Grif and Simmons: SON OF A BITCH!

Rune174 · Joined: 29 May 2009 Posts: 5293

[Griff and Simmons standing in front of tank.]
Simmons: Lets get back to the jeep. On three. Ready, one..
Griff: Wait! On three? or three and then go?
Simmons: On Three. It's always faster to go on three.
Griff: Ok got it.
Simmons: Ready? One
Sheila: Aquireing target. [Griff turns around and starts running towards the jeep]
Griff: Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit, oh shit.
Sheila: Target locked. [Church is also making a run for the jeep]
Simmons: Two...Three! [Simmons turns around and sees that Griff is already half way to the jeep] Oh you back stabing cockbite!
Sheila: Firing main cannon [The jeep blows up]
Simmons: SON OF A BITCH!
Griff: SON OF A BITCH!!
Church: SON OF A BITCH!!!
[Church steps out from behind the rock he was hiding behind.]
Church: Hey, Tucker, look at this man, it's the rookie, and he brought the tank out to scare off the reds.
Tucker: What? No way.
Church: [yelling to Caboose] Hey rookie! Good job man! Why didn't you tell us you knew how to drive the tank?
Sheila: [main cannon focuses on Church] New target acquired.
Caboose: That's not a target. That's Church!
Church: Yeah that's right, it's me, Church! What's going on man?
Sheila: Target locked.
Caboose: What? No! Target unlock! Unlock! Please help me nice lady!
Sheila: Firing main cannon.
Caboose: Uh-oh...
Tucker: Uh-oh...
Church: What? Oh... son of a bi-
[Sheila fires and Church goes flying.]

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Tucker: You shot Church, you team-killing fucktard!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Church: [gasping] Tucker! Tucker!
Tucker: Church! It's going to be okay, man.
Church: No, I, I-I'm not, I'm not going to make it. Tucker, there's something I need to tell you.
Tucker: [increduously] What is it?
Church: I just wanted you to know... I always hated you. I've always hated you the most.
Tucker: [angrily] Yeah, I know you did. Now hurry up and die, you prick.
Church: Okay. Herrkkk... blaahh.

Silvador · Joined: 20 Oct 2009 Posts: 10874

what are you doing Rune? watching the show and typing it out as you watch it? either that or you got a photographic memory.

Rune174 · Joined: 29 May 2009 Posts: 5293

Just watching it over and over again -chuckles-.

The Adept · Joined: 28 Oct 2009 Posts: 3797

Sarge: Someone needs to tell griff his sisters dead
Griff: what about my sister
Simmons:your sisters dead
griff: prove it
Sarge: lopez just told us
Griff untill you show me a body i wont believe you. One time when we were kids we were skating on the ice and she fell through the ice, she was under there for a few hours, she showed up the next day,not only was she ok she was 3 months pregnent so untill you can explain that i wont believe you.
Sarge i couldent even to imagine where to begin to explain that
Grif: thats right

The Adept · Joined: 28 Oct 2009 Posts: 3797

(and god said let this thread rise from the grave so it can be enjoyed by all yet again)
Tucker (real slowly)"Were trying to use the bomb to translate so you can communicate with us"
Church"talking to the alien real slow wont make it understand us"
Tucker"im not the alien im talking to caboose man"
Caboose"Tucker are you hungry tucker tucker do you need a bath or a nap, how about a hot dog or maybe a pigs in a blanket"
Tucker"im not hungry i dont need a nap and if you put mustard in my sheets again ill kick your fucking ass"

Mr Writer · Joined: 26 Nov 2009 Posts: 174

Donut: Hey bitch! Remember me? I saved something for ya!

*Tosses a Plasma Grenade*

Church(i think?): Wow that chick has a really good arm.

Silvador · Joined: 20 Oct 2009 Posts: 10874

Mr Writer wrote: Donut: Hey bitch! Remember me? I saved something for ya!

*Tosses a Plasma Grenade*

Church(i think?): Wow that chick has a really good arm.

pretty sure it was Tucker actually, could have been Caboose though, back in the first season he still had a fair bit of... sanity.

Mr Writer · Joined: 26 Nov 2009 Posts: 174

lol! i used to follow RvB religiously until i stopped playing halo and got more involved with various online communities. its been a while since i took a look at many of them. think i stopped watching when they hit episode 40 something. Grif and Sarge were my fav characters.

Sarge to Grif: That spot is reserved for someone more important, such as a turd, or a turd farmer.