JOKE: I heard it from a freind

xxthalexx · Joined: 06 Oct 2008 Posts: 1159

A priest, a teacher, and a lawyer are on a ship. the ship starts to sink. the teacher says "save the children." the lawyer says "Fuck the children." the priest says "Do you think we have time."
LoL :lol:

JohnnyPsycho · Joined: 08 Jul 2006 Posts: 2311

:roll: Always the priest jokes... Anyway, I thought I'd add a joke I read in another forum...

So, a Nun, a Rabbi, and a Shintoist priest walk into a bar run by a Taoist. There's a Buddhist playing the piano, accompanied by an Australian aborigine playing the didgeridoo, while a temple prostitute of Ishtar strips on the stage. An atheist, an agnostic, a Unitarian Universalist, and the Archbishop of Canterbury are playing poker. (The Archbishop is thinking of cashing out, the Unitarian just deals, the agnostic can't decide who's bluffing, and the atheist thinks he knows but can't believe it.) Suddenly the high priest of Quetzalcoatl bursts in and hides behind the bar, followed by Khufu, Ghandhi, and a Voodoo priestess. The king of Kumbi Saleh and Tenskwatawa run in and start looking for them. A Wiccan looks in the window and says "there's a Muslim outside who wants to be worked into this joke too, but he says he doesn't want to come in to a bar."

Ronald · Joined: 18 Oct 2003 Posts: 3670

LOL

good one. LOL :lol:

Ashton Gray · Joined: 15 Feb 2007 Posts: 4668

The sinking ship one I've heard many times, it's one of my favorite simple jokes along with my all time favorite joke ever "A man walks into a bar and says "Ouch!", but the bar joke Johnny told is priceless.

Cole Blacke · Joined: 21 Oct 2008 Posts: 289

:lol: Those are both good. The one I have is pretty clean:
A man walks into a doctor's office. The doctor drones, "I have the results of your test, and I'm afraid you're going to die." The man asks, "How long do I have to live?". "Ten", replies the Doctor. "What the hell does that mean?!", the man demands. "Ten Years, Ten Months, Ten weeks, What?!"
The doctor replies, "Nine."

sexymanz · Joined: 25 Aug 2008 Posts: 928

that would kinda suck... 10...9...8...7...6...5...4...3...2...1... HAPPY NEW YEAR!!! man dies of a heart attack... double whammy...

Tearlach · Joined: 04 Oct 2008 Posts: 2914

Picture the scene; A Doctor's office a half-naked man is standing handcuffed between two police men and is talking to a third.
The Doctor is lying backwards over his desk unconscious and badly beaten. The man says : "He told me I was diabetic and had to give up smoking, drinking and sex. Then he said "have a Merry Christmas". Well something just snapped!"

__________________________________
Humor it is a difficult concept: Savvak

Cole Blacke · Joined: 21 Oct 2008 Posts: 289

:lol: I could see that one in a movie.

Ashton Gray · Joined: 15 Feb 2007 Posts: 4668

That doctor was definatly asking for that and if the culprit gets arrested, charged and convicted, there is no justice.

EmperorRevan · Joined: 15 Sep 2008 Posts: 277

NOW THESE ARE JOKES LOL

(You all earned a sticker saying, "Kein will not bite me HA")

Tadelesh · Joined: 31 Jul 2008 Posts: 1578

That doctor one, for some reason, reminds me of another joke:

I don't swear, I don't drink and I don't smoke... Oh shit, I left my fags in the pub.

Cole Blacke · Joined: 21 Oct 2008 Posts: 289

Tadelesh wrote: That doctor one, for some reason, reminds me of another joke:

I don't swear, I don't drink and I don't smoke... Oh shit, I left my fags in the pub.

I do hope that by "fags", you're referring to cigarettes. :lol:
Sorry, I couldn't resist. :wink:

Tadelesh · Joined: 31 Jul 2008 Posts: 1578

Cole Blacke wrote: Tadelesh wrote: That doctor one, for some reason, reminds me of another joke:

I don't swear, I don't drink and I don't smoke... Oh shit, I left my fags in the pub.

I do hope that by "fags", you're referring to cigarettes. :lol:
Sorry, I couldn't resist. :wink: Yeah, I am. I don't refer to homosexuals as fags, if that's what you were hinting at. I forget sometimes what words that I use all the time that Americans don't use, or use but with a different meaning. By the way, I don't actually smoke. I rarely drink alcohol or swear, either. Anyway, that's beside the point.

Cole Blacke · Joined: 21 Oct 2008 Posts: 289

I didn't mean to offend anyone by that. I don't refer to homosexuals as "fags" either, but it is commonly used slang in the U.S., and I just happened to notice the coincidence. I have never smoked either, and I am a firm believer in the values of temperance. I am sorry if I insulted anyone in any way, and I ask for the forgiveness of anyone who was offended. In retrospect, it was rather rude of me, please accept my apologies. :oops:

Ashton Gray · Joined: 15 Feb 2007 Posts: 4668

I would love to know how and why it came to be that "fags" came to mean "cigaretts" in the U.K. and "homosexual" in the U.S.A.

Tadelesh · Joined: 31 Jul 2008 Posts: 1578

I'm sure you have nothing to worry about there, Cole.

I'm not sure it entirely answers your question, Ashton, but perhaps it will give a bit more background: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Faggot

Tearlach · Joined: 04 Oct 2008 Posts: 2914

Ashton Gray wrote: I would love to know how and why it came to be that "fags" came to mean "cigaretts" in the U.K. and "homosexual" in the U.S.A.

There are a number of such oddites:
"Bum" America=Tramp Britain= bottom
"Fanny" America=bottom Britain="a lady's front bottom" :oops:

Tearlach · Joined: 04 Oct 2008 Posts: 2914

This just ocurred to me so it's probably wrong:, but fag in the British slang term may be short for faggot which the dictionary describes as "a bundle of small sticks or twigs bound together." which is burned in this case as fuel. So similar to a cigarette.
Though the reference to homosexuality in American culture is so far eluding me.

Tadelesh · Joined: 31 Jul 2008 Posts: 1578

An excerpt from the Wikipedia entry should explain it well enough:

The word faggot has also been used in English since the late 16th Century to mean "old or unpleasant woman," and the modern use may well derive from this. Female terms, it should be noted, are often used with reference to homosexual or effeminate men (cf. nancy, sissy, queen). The application of the term to old women is possibly a shortening of the term "faggot-gatherer", applied in the 19th Century to people, especially older widows, who made a meagre living by gathering and selling firewood. It may also derive from the sense of "something awkward to be carried" (compare the use of the word "baggage" as a pejorative term for old people in general).

Tearlach · Joined: 04 Oct 2008 Posts: 2914

So "Santa Cruz" means to dress up as Father Christmas and go for a walk on Clappam Common ? :lol: ::love::

Tadelesh · Joined: 31 Jul 2008 Posts: 1578

I'm afraid you've totally lost me there.

Tearlach · Joined: 04 Oct 2008 Posts: 2914

Tadelesh wrote: I'm afraid you've totally lost me there.
My apologies sir, a small joke. Cruze for cruise= a slang term meaning to look for. ie a fight or sex.
Clappam Common is a well known area of park land in London, England used by Gay men to meet. :curious:

Tadelesh · Joined: 31 Jul 2008 Posts: 1578

Ah. Y'see, that's where you lost me, the Clappam Common thing. I live just outside London, and I've never heard that. I do believe it's actually Clapham, but still, not heard that before.

Tearlach · Joined: 04 Oct 2008 Posts: 2914

Tadelesh wrote: Ah. Y'see, that's where you lost me, the Clappam Common thing. I live just outside London, and I've never heard that. I do believe it's actually Clapham, but still, not heard that before.
Well what's a P among friends. :lol: The more famous or infamous is Hampstead heath, for centuries a area know for murders, suicides and highway men. :twisted:
You may have heard of a radio program called "I'm sorry I haven't a clue" in which they have a round called new definitions. Full of jokes like that. :)